Finding Benson
by Emily Braveheart
Summary: When Emily finds out she was adopted and her identical twin sister Olivia was kept by their mother, she travels to NYC to meet her sister and find out more about her biological family.
1. Chapter 1

There are no words to describe how Emily felt the second she found out she was adopted. All this time, and she was a detective too. You'd think she would have put two and two together. But instead she found herself at her mother's death bed as she told her about the woman who placed newborn Emily in her arms. So many things that hadn't registered in the past made perfect sense now. She didn't quite look like either of her parents, or even the rest of her family. She would search and find similarities that weren't really there to feel connected. She's always felt out of place, but just thought she was awkward. She took a deep breath and held it, a subconscious thing she'd done ever since her rape. Her therapist said it was her body's way of holding onto reality. It just made her feel worse. A second later and she released her breath, kissing her mother's hand.

"Hand me my purse," her mother said, her breath shallow and raspy.

Emily reached without getting up for her mother's rather large faux leather purse and sat it gently by her side, a yellow envelope poking out of the top.

"Take this." Her mother said, gently pulling the envelope out, her hands shaking the whole time.

Emily grasped it in her hands. She had a feeling she knew what it was and was terrified to open it. As she sat there holding her mother's hands and looking at this yellow packet of secrets, the machines linked to her mother began their shrill chorus.

"Mom! What's wrong?" She said, tears forming and streaming down her face. With her mother's purse and the envelope in her hands, she was pushed from the room. Forced to watch as they tried and failed to resuscitate her mother's lifeless body.

That was it. No goodbye. No hug. Just an envelope and a stroke.

She wasn't even sure how she got home, but she was already sitting on the couch, the envelope and purse on the coffee table in front of her. She picked the envelope up and turned it in her hands, still not sure if she was going to open it, or even if she wanted to. She slid her finger under the tape gingerly, peaking inside to see just what she suspected, her original birth certificate. She slid it out just enough to reveal her birth name. Emily Benson. Benson? What kind of last name was that? Then she saw it. Her birth mother's name, Serena Benson. She looked at the name, said it out loud. This was the woman who gave her up. Tears began to well in her eyes before she caught a glimpse of the box marked twin on the paper. Her eyes shot open.

She was a twin? Was she put up for adoption too? Does she know? And what if it's a he? So many questions that she needed answers for were wreaking havoc inside her head. She knew exactly what she needed to do. A google search quickly brought her to an article. Her mother had been one of a series of rapes around Hudson University. Her tears ran hot down her face seeing the photo of a mother she never got to meet.

She quickly shifted her attention to the obituary, listing a daughter as her only living relative. Her biological mother had kept her sister. Emily quickly entered her name into the search bar and her own face, seemingly, popped up in several news articles. It was uncanny just how identical they were. They'd even cut their hair similar on multiple occasions. She was also a detective, what were the odds?

The next few days she pieced her biological family tree together. To say it was shocking finding out her father was a rapist was an understatement. Her brother was actually a half brother who was accused of rape twice and acquitted, but then charged with custodial interference. Ironically, she wasn't too surprised he had a record since she dug up that her rapist father raised him. She quickly figured out which precinct her sister worked at, did some digging and found her sisters home address. She paced and debated whether she should call her or email her. But she just couldn't bring herself to dial the number or write the email. What do you say? Did she even know about her? How would she react? She finally decided she couldn't do this over the phone or email. She needed to meet her sister in person. Only then would she believe her and be willing to listen. She knew she would be so dismissive and skeptical if she got a call about some unheard of, long lost twin sister.

Emily scrambled through flights to find one for the next day. She called work, explained what was going on to her captain, and was on the first flight to NYC the next morning. The flight was torture, and long, but the more she thought about what she would say or do, the time seemed to speed up. The cab ride there seemed so fast too.

She wrung her hands and paced in the hallway outside the NYC apartment. She still didn't know what she was supposed to say to her. Hell she didn't even know her sister existed before that week. Being a detective, she found her pretty fast after tracking down her birth mother, whom she was disappointed to find had passed away some years before. She wasn't quite sure what she would say. From her birth certificate and other documentation, it suggested they were identical so she also didn't want to freak her out. She paced a couple more steps and then turned to knock when the door flew open, Olivia Benson stood with her weapon drawn and eyes widening by the second.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia wasn't quite sure what made her look out into her apartment building hallway. Maybe because she was so hyper aware of her surroundings since William Lewis. She peeked out to see a dark haired woman but she was moving so fast she couldn't see her face. There was something familiar about her. After the third or fourth time of this woman pacing in front of her door, Olivia instinctively grabbed her handgun and shifted back toward the door. The woman made a move toward her door so she swung it open as fast as she could and raised her firearm. What came next made no sense to Olivia. Was this some sort of trick? Was there some mirror or light play going on? Was she dreaming? Her eyes just continued to widen but she was frozen in place.

"Woah!" the woman said, she even sounded like her. The woman put her hands up to show she wasn't armed or a threat and that's when Olivia realized she was still holding her gun on her.

"Oh," Olivia said, lowering her weapon and staring at this person in front of her.

"Ok," the woman began, "I know you're probably completely freaked out right now, I would be too."

"You think?" Olivia said, her voice cracking, "I have some strange clone woman at my door."

Emily chuckled. She knew this wasn't the time for laughter, but she couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity she knew anyone else would be laughing about.

"I'm Emily." She said, holding her hand out. Olivia didn't take it right away but noticed Emily grew uncomfortable so she shook the woman's hand slowly and then quickly withdrew her hand.

"Olivia." She stated, not really sure what else she should say or ask.

"I know," Emily said, smiling, "I'm your twin sister."

"My what?" Olivia said, leaning against the door frame before realizing they were still in the hallway outside her apartment, "Would you like to come in? I'm assuming you're not here to kill me?"

Emily laughed again and tentatively followed her sister into the apartment.

"No, just to meet you, I promise." Emily held her hands up again as a sign of peace before fully entering the living room. There were coloring books and toys sitting on the coffee table. She knew Olivia had a son based off of a news story she'd found. That reminded her that she'd brought a gift for her nephew.

"I brought this for your son," Emily said, her hand shaking as she handed the gift bag to Olivia, "I wasn't sure if you'd gotten it yet, it's a book that just came out about a moose. It's actually pretty good."

Olivia took the bag and looked inside to see an innocent blue and yellow book.

"So, would you like to sit down?" Olivia asked, gesturing towards the couch as she walked to the kitchen, sitting the gift bag on the counter, "Would you like a drink? I have coffee... wine?"

"Oh, no thank you," Emily said, sitting slowly on the couch, "Um, maybe some water?" She hadn't really eaten or drank anything since she left her apartment. Her throat was still scratchy from the dry plane air.

Olivia pulled a glass from the cabinet and filled it with filtered water from the fridge door.

"So," Olivia started, walking to the couch and sitting down next to Emily, gently placing the glass of water on the coffee table in front of her sister, "How... when did you find out?" Olivia wasn't usually the one fumbling through her words, but she still didn't know what to think let alone say.

"Last week my mom passed away from a stroke," Emily said trying to hold back the tears, "She told me I was adopted and gave me my real birth certificate." Emily cleared her throat and pulled out the folded document from her pocket and handed it to Olivia.

Olivia unfolded the paper to see Emily Marie Benson in the name section. Aside from the weight being a few oz off and the time difference, this was basically the exact same as her own birth certificate. She had seen the twin box checked but all these years thought it was a mistake or something. She used to joke with Elliot that she had some twin out there somewhere. If only he could see what was unfolding on her couch.

Emily's voice broke the silence, "It was pretty simple to find everything once I had my birth mother's name, though I'm sad to find out she passed away already. I'm sorry."

"It was years ago, she fell down a flight of stairs," Olivia said shakily, she left out the drunk part because she didn't want to taint her sisters view of her birth mother.

"I read she was drunk," Emily said, "Was that often? Because she was raped?" Olivia looked at this woman. She really did do her research.

"Uh, yeah," Olivia said, "I was... we were the product of her rape, so she drank to cope with seeing me everyday, reminding her."

Emily immediately felt guilty. She had to admit she'd felt some resentment towards her sister because their mother had kept her, but now she was almost certain she didn't have it so great growing up like Emily had imagined. Emily wasn't quite sure why she was starting to hold her breath, until she realized Olivia had mentioned their mother was raped. Emily was still going to therapy for her own that had happened just a year before. She slowly released her breath, hoping her sister didn't notice.

"So," Emily said, breaking the silence, "You're a Lieutenant?" She had read about her sisters climb through the ranks and she was slightly jealous.

"Um yeah," Olivia said, "I'm Lieutenant and commander of Manhattan SVU. The one-six."

"I'm a detective too," Emily stated, though she hadn't climbed the ranks like her twin.

"Wow," Olivia said, "What are the odds that we both went into the same line of work?"

"That's exactly what I thought when I found out," Emily said, smirking at the fact that, even though they hadn't grown up together, they still had the same line of thinking.

Olivia was about to ask what kind of detective she was when Noah came bounding in and jumped on Emily's lap.

"Good morning, Mama!" Noah said, wide awake and giggly.

"Oh," Emily said, looking down at the wavy brown haired boy in her lap, "I'm not..." she trailed off, not sure what to say. She hadn't thought about how strange it would be for him to see two of his mom.

Olivia cleared her throat and Noah quickly turned his head towards his mother, then back to Emily.

"Two mamas?" Noah said, confused as he stood up.

"Noah," Olivia said, "This is mommy's twin sister Emily, she's your aunt. Mommy just met her today." Noah climbed into Olivia's lap, still looking from Olivia to Emily. Olivia wasn't sure how he was going to react.

"Ok." Noah said quickly, smiling, "Hi, Auntie Emily."

Emily was completely sure her heart exploded in her chest.


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia's nanny, Lucy, arrived soon after Noah was dressed and ready for school. Olivia invited Emily to join her at work after she got a call from someone named Fin. Emily had done reading about Olivia's unit and work while her sister was getting Noah ready for school. She also didn't take long getting dressed and Emily was surprised, again, to find that they dressed very similar. In fact, she was pretty sure she had the exact outfit at home.

The drive there was awkward. She hadn't expected to be joining her sister at work so soon after arriving, but if she was anything like her, Olivia was probably working nonstop. They pulled up to the precinct and parked. Emily found herself holding her breath for the second time that day. Olivia sighed but didn't get out of the car just yet.

"Ok," Olivia said, turning the car off and pulling the keys from the ignition, "I will walk in first, so just hang back a little bit so I can explain, at least simply, what is going on to my squad."

"No problem," Emily said as she released her breath slowly like she'd been told to practice.

Saying the walk up was awkward was an understatement. So many eyes and whispers as they moved toward the elevator. Luckily they had gotten one to themselves so they didn't have to endure the silent stares. Olivia exited first and Emily followed, hanging back just enough that people would see Olivia first. An older man rushed up to her with a file in his hand, a blonde woman not far behind him.

"Liv, sorry, I know today was your day off, but this perp is moving fast." The man said, Olivia took the file just as he looked past her and to Emily.

"Woah, who's that?" The man said, looking Emily up and down.

Olivia looked back at Emily and back to the squad room.

"Ok, listen up!" Olivia raised her voice so everyone could hear, "This is Emily. She is my identical twin sister. She will be spending the day here with me. I want you all to note what she is wearing because she is not me. We don't need any mix ups ruining this case."

Emily slowly made her way to Olivia's side, the blonde woman looked dumbfounded.

"Fin, I want you do make Emily feel at home, she's traveled a long way." Olivia said, moving to rest her hand on Emily's shoulder. Emily tried not to, but flinched ever so slightly. Olivia noticed, but said nothing.

"Nice to meet you, Emily." Fin said, holding his hand out to shake hers. Emily placed her hand in his and shook it.

"Thanks," Emily said, "It's been an interesting morning."

"I bet," Fin said, "Let me introduce you to everyone. This is Amanda Rollins."

The blonde Emily had seen when they walked in stepped up and shook her hand.

"Nice to meet ya." Amanda said and Emily couldn't help, but notice her southern accent.

"Where are you from?" Emily asked, "Georgia? Tennessee?"

Emily was pretty good at guessing where someone was from based on an accent. It had actually helped her solve a few cases.

"Georgia," Amanda said excitedly, "Atlanta actually. What kind of work are you in?"

"Oh," Emily said chuckling, "I'm actually a detective. You can imagine my surprise when I found out my sister was one, too."

"I guess there's some truth to that freaky twin thing huh?" Fin said, laughing.

"I guess so," Emily said, smiling.

"So where are you from?" Amanda asked.

"Oh, Seattle. My mom is… was from here, but moved to Washington when I was a baby." Emily said, noticing now that her mother had moved just in case her birth mother tried to be in her life.

"Was?" Fin asked, concern in his voice.

"Yeah," Emily said sadly, "She passed away a week ago. She'd been battling breast cancer for years, but had a massive stroke right after she told me I was adopted. I didn't know I was a twin until after I got home that day."

Just then Emily heard the shuffling of dress shoes coming from the elevator in a hurry.

"Sorry, Lieu," A man said in a thick Brooklyn accent, "I had to babysit my niece last night and overslept."

Olivia walked out of her office right as the gentleman sat at his desk. He looked up just as she reached Emily's side. He quickly looked from Emily, whom he'd assumed was Olivia, to her sister standing next to her.

"Woah… what?" He said, so confused, "I know I didn't get much sleep, but am I passed out and dreaming or something?"

Olivia laughed. It was the first time Emily had heard her laugh and it only confirmed what she had suspected. They really were identical in every single way.

"Carisi, this is Emily." Olivia said, visibly amused, "She's my twin that showed up at my apartment this morning, make sure she's comfortable."

"Of course, Lieutenant," Carisi said, then turned to Emily, "Welcome to SVU, Emily, sorry about the mixup."

"Oh, no problem, " Emily said, "I doubt it'll be the last time it will happen." Emily smiled politely.

"Ok," Olivia said, breaking up the awkward silence that had formed, "This perp is moving fast, we already have 3 known cases of assault that have occurred just in the last 2 days, he's on a spree. Fin, I want you in the interview room with the first victim. Amanda, Carisi, the other 2 are still at the hospital. The second victim is being released in a few hours, the third is getting the rape kit done right now. Let's try to get a sketch if we can from each one if they were able to see his face. We need to work quickly people, we don't need a fourth victim."

Emily hadn't noticed she had been holding her breath the whole time and exhaled louder than she expected. Olivia shot a glance, but again didn't say a word as her detectives all filed out and made their way to their assignments.

"Emily," Olivia said, Emily jumped at the sound of her name, "Would you like to hang out in my office? I have a couch. I can get you something from the vending machine or something."

"Uh yeah sure," Emily said, "I'm not hungry right now though, but thanks."

Emily walked into her sister's office and sat on the couch, looking around at the small room with a desk in the middle.

Olivia made note that she'd flown completely across the country and not once had she eaten since arriving at Olivia's apartment. She wasn't quite sure what was going on with her or if this was normal, but when Olivia did these things it was because there was something heavy weighing on her mind. She also wasn't sure what was up with her holding her breath or flinching when Olivia had touched her, but she'd experienced these symptoms in cases before and she intended to bring them up, she just wasn't sure how.


	4. Chapter 4

Emily sat on the couch of her sister's office for 30 min already and the silence was deafening. That didn't mean she wasn't getting endless texts from her boss asking how long she would be gone, her caseload was overwhelming and every day that she took off just added to the load. Not that she didn't have vacation days saved up that she had put in for her mother's funeral and for 2 weeks after, but she was the best detective in their unit and they were really feeling her absence. Emily sent one last text reminding her boss that she was on vacation and would be back in a week. The response text of "Ok" didn't convince her that he'd stop texting. Emily released a breath she didn't remember holding.

"Why do you do that?" Olivia asked, startling Emily with the sudden break in the silence.

"Do what?" Emily asked, pretending not to know what she was talking about. She hadn't realized her sister had noticed, but then again, she was a Lieutenant. Obviously, she was very observative and good at her job.

"Hold your breath? You do it quite a lot actually." Olivia sat, looking over her black framed glasses at Emily, waiting for an answer. Olivia didn't mean to, but she looked at Emily the same way her mother had when she was concerned.

"Oh," Emily said, looking down at her hands, "That."

Olivia sensed that the conversation may get heavy so she stood up and walked to the door to close it. Once closed she sat on the couch next to her sister. The unexpected gesture caused Emily to flinch, again. She wished so bad she could control that. She remained quiet, a small lump forming in her throat.

"I've been doing this job a long time," Olivia said, placing a hand on her sisters hands, cautiously, but gently "I've almost developed this… 6th sense when it comes to those who have experienced trauma." Olivia stopped once the hot tears of her sister's landed on her hand. She barely knew her, but knowing she was in pain hurt Olivia so much.

Emily pulled her hands from underneath Olivia's and wiped the tears away, clearing her throat.

"It doesn't matter," Emily said, standing up and crossing her arms as she walked towards the window behind Olivia's desk. Below, the people looked so small, going about their lives like normal. If only she could.

"Yes it does," Olivia said, though she knew better than to walk up behind her sister, so she stayed on the couch despite the urge to jump up and hug her sister, "Just talk to me. I know you don't know me well and we just met this morning, but I can't help but feel this connection. Maybe it's a twin thing, I don't know."

"I meant," Emily said, wiping more tears away and she turned around to face Olivia, "I can't do anything about it. I've reported it, I go to therapy. I do the exercises to help, but it doesn't help."

"Did they do a rape kit?" Olivia asked, she didn't know why that question felt so awkward to ask. Maybe because it almost felt like she was talking to herself.

"Yes, but there are so many untested rape kits and mine is one of them." Emily said, her voice shaking against her will, "It's been a year and he's still out there somewhere. I'm a detective. I was on the job. I should have been able to protect myself."

To hear, seemingly, her own voice say those words ripped right through Olivia. That was exactly how she'd felt about William Lewis. She was a trained detective, and he still was able to break into her apartment and kidnap and torture her. Even after his death he was messing with her.

"It's not your fau-" Olivia started.

"Stop. Don't say it." Emily interrupted Olivia, a hint of anger in her voice. She had gone through all of this with her therapist. Countless sessions and she still didn't feel any less responsible for what happened. She had disobeyed orders to wait for backup, she went into that house alone, she didn't clear all her corners, and she knew the man inside had done unspeakable things to women. What did she expect? Having a gun would protect her? Wrong.

Just before Olivia was going to speak again, Amanda opened the door. Sensing the tension in the room, Amanda went to close the door.

"Sorry, I'll give y'all some time." Amanda said.

"No." Emily said, "I need to get some air. You guys have important work to do anyway." Emily walked out of the room, not even grabbing her purse before walking out of the office, leaving her sister and the young blonde detective to work their case. Just before rounding the corner out of the squad room to walk to the elevators she caught a glimpse of the 3 newest victims and the rapists MO. Suddenly, the air was so thick and she started to shiver, but simultaneously sweating. She stuck her hand out to find a desk as she attempted to regulate the short urgent breathes shaking her body.

Olivia followed her sister, but stopped short to see her frozen looking at the victims. Her body rigid and shaking.

"Are you ok?" Fin asked, noticing how pale Emily's face had become.

"Yeah," Emily said, letting go of the desk and straightening herself up as much as she could, "I'm fine."

"The hell you are." Fin said, moving towards her to help.

"Emily, why don't you come back to my office and lay on the couch." Olivia suggested, knowing full well if it was her she wouldn't do it either.

Emily flinched away and started to walk towards the hallway to the elevators.

"I just need some air." Emily said, slowly walking down towards the long hallway. Her lips started to tingle and she knew it was from hyperventilating so she disregarded it. She knew she was in shock the second the wave of nausea hit. She tried to catch herself as the room started to spin, but before she could think, everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

Emily noticed the harsh smell of disinfectant first. Then the headache that seemed to be centered right at her temple. She opened her eyes to a bright light overhead, as she tried blinking the moisture back into her eyes she heard movement.

"Oh, let me get that." She heard Olivia say. The bright light disappeared as she heard a shuffling of feet moving back towards her.

"Mmmmm." Was all she could say; her throat was so dry.

"You fell and hit your head," Olivia said, "fractured your arm, too, trying to catch yourself."

Emily was finally able to open her eyes comfortably and looked around. She had a cast on her right arm and an IV in the other one. Looking at Olivia revealed that she'd probably been awake the whole time Emily was in the hospital. Dark circles had formed under her twin's ever concerned eyes.

Emily tried to sit up, but a hand quickly prevented her from moving.

"The doctor said you should rest. You hit your head pretty hard on a desk." Olivia said, and Emily was too groggy to argue as she brought her hand to the side of her head.

"Um," Emily said, her voice very raspy, "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Olivia said, as she stood up and walked towards the table in the room, "Do you need water?"

"Uh, yeah," Emily said, trying to clear her throat again, "How long was I out?"

"It's only been about a day," Olivia said, returning to Emily's side with a cup of water, "They sedated you last night, so you'd rest to let the swelling go down. You were pretty dehydrated, too."

Emily sat silent, intermittently taking sips of her water. She didn't really know what to say. She'd flown across the country, shown up unannounced at her long-lost twin sister's apartment, and then passed out and nearly killed herself in the process all in one day. She had to admit it was quite impressive the amount of shit she could get herself into in 24 hours' time.

"So," Olivia said, breaking the awkward silence, "I couldn't help, but notice what you were looking at before you passed out."

"Oh, yeah," Emily said, waving a hand in the air, "That was nothing, but I was just having a rough day."

"It didn't seem like nothing," Olivia said, her voice changing to the way it does when she's speaking to a victim.

"I just," Emily started, deciding she was done hiding shit from people right then and there. This was her sister, her _twin_ sister. How much closer can you be connected to someone than to a woman you started your very seconds of life with? She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before she spoke, "The MO. The police sketch. It looks like the man that raped me in Washington a year ago."

Olivia was the next to take a deep breath. She was still processing that her own sister was hurt like that. Had she known she had a twin and maybe if they'd grown up together she could have protected her. But she didn't, and she couldn't.

"Would you mind telling me your story?" Olivia asked tentatively. She knew it was hard for survivors to step forward, especially when they'd gone through all the steps to catch the person that attacked them only to never get justice.

"Um, sure," Emily said, the anxiety building in her chest. She hadn't spoken about it since the last time she'd heard anything. Her kit was in a queue to be tested, but a year later it hadn't been tested yet.

"Just take your time," Olivia said, trying to be as gentle as she could. She'd only known her sister for the last 48 hours, but her protective instinct towards her developed instantly.

"I went into a house we'd been staking out for weeks," Emily started, the flashbacks already shooting through her head as she spoke, "I'd been told to wait for backup, but He was a very bad man and I had reason to believe he had a child with him, so I couldn't just wait around while he did God knows what to her."

Emily paused, trying to make sure she kept her breathing as steady as possible so she wouldn't end up having another panic attack. She could already feel the lump forming in her throat.

"You sound like me." Olivia said, "I would have done the same thing."

Emily continued, "I cleared the living room, had gotten to the kitchen when I got hit in the back of the head from behind, I must not have cleared a closet or something."

The smell of stale incense and cigarettes crept into the forefront of her memory, and it was like she was there again.

"I must have passed out because when I woke up I had my arms handcuffed to this bed and he was…" Emily couldn't speak, the tears fell so easily from her eyes, like they'd been waiting the whole time.

"You don't have to…" Olivia started, but Emily interrupted her.

"He was raping me." Emily said, as she started sobbing. She couldn't stop crying. It was such a personal thing to talk about and although this was her twin sister, she was still technically a stranger.

"My backup arrived just after he left, and they saw me… like that." Emily said, wiping more tears away. She felt so ashamed. So embarrassed. She still got looks from her coworkers. Those pitty looks. Those 'I know what happened to you' looks. She hated it.

Olivia slowly and gently made her way to her sisters bed. She wasn't sure how she'd react, but she climbed into the bed with Emily and wrapped her arms around her. This time, Emily didn't flinch or move away, this time she wrapped her arms right back, and let it out.

"It wasn't your fault." Olivia said, and it only made Emily cry harder, "I'm so sorry."

And it felt almost as though she was saying it to herself, too. William Lewis wasn't her fault either, but she'd still blamed herself for not being able to protect herself, and she knew that was exactly how her sister felt. Once her sister fell asleep, she made a phone call to Amanda.

"Hey, I need a favor," Olivia said, trying to be quiet as to not wake Emily up, "Can you call the Seattle SVU and see if they can test Emily Drake's rape kit and send us the results, tell them we have a perp with the same MO and description."

She wasn't sure if it was the same perp or even if the DNA from Emily's rape kit would turn up anyone, but if anything, she could try her damndest to bring her sister's rapist to justice.


	6. Chapter 6

Emily woke up the next morning momentarily confused before remembering she was in the hospital. A quick glance to the chair by her bed revealed she was alone. She picked up the nurse call remote, pushed the button, and a moment later a voice came on the intercom.

"Yes? Can I help you?" The nurse said.

"Um how long until I'm able to get out of here?" Emily asked, she had only been awake maybe 5 minutes and she was already getting antsy still being in that bed.

"Let me ask the dr." The nurse responded and just like that it was back to silence in a dimly lit hospital room thanks to the thick blackout curtains.

Just before she was going to look for her phone, Olivia walked through the door balancing two paper cups of coffee, nudging the door open with her foot then shifting the weight of the door to her back to walk through.

"Looks who's awake." Olivia said, walking in and setting one of the cups on the hospital table over Emily's bed.

"Yeah," Emily said, picking the cup and sniffing, "this is the most sleep I've gotten in years."

"I didn't know what kind of coffee you liked so I just got what I usually get." Olivia said, taking a sip of her cappuccino.

Emily took a sip and couldn't help but giggle, "Of course we have the same taste in coffee."

Olivia had already gotten the results from Emily's rape kit and she knew she'd want to know if it was the same guy, but Olivia wanted to make sure Emily had coffee and something to eat first because she had a sneaking suspicion that Emily wouldn't eat again until they caught the bastard.

Emily caught a glimpse of Olivia in deep thought, "What's going on?" She may have been in a hospital bed, but she was still a detective and her intuition told her that something was up.

Olivia tried to search in her brain for an explanation that wouldn't sound suspicious, but she couldn't think of anything.

"Ok," Olivia sighed, moving to the chair and sitting down, facing Emily. She sat for a few minutes, her warm coffee cup between her hands, and she looked from the plastic top of her hot beverage to her sisters concerned face, "I called Seattle SVU and had your kit tested."

Emily sat waiting for her sister to finish what she said, her heart began to race at the thought of that man being in the same time zone as her.

"It's the same man." Olivia said, she didn't want to tell her sister, but she deserved to know the truth. She looked back down at her coffee, sighing as she turned the warm, half filled paper cup in her hand.

Emily's breath became choppy and she struggled to take deep breaths. What was he doing here? Did he follow her? How did he know she'd be here if he did? So many questions entered her mind and not one of them had an answer.

"Emily," Olivia said, standing up and placing a hand on her sister's, Emily didn't even notice amidst her onset of a panic attack, "I promise you, we will find him and we will put his ass away for a long, long time." Olivia knew better than to make a promise like that, but when it came to those closest to her in pain, she didn't exactly think clearly.

Emily grabbed her sisters hand and squeezed, her breathing normalizing. Having someone by her side through all of this seemed to make coping just a little easier. Maybe that's what she'd been missing. She had kept her assault from her mother because she figured suffering from breast cancer was enough stress and she didn't want to add to it.

"Ok," Emily said, choosing to trust in other people for once, "Will you at least let me listen in on the case?"

Olivia was about to protest, but she knew more than anyone how much Emily needed to be there every step of the way.

"Deal," Olivia said, "On one condition."

"I know," Emily said, knowing the protocol with cases like this, "In instances that it will hurt my case, I'll stay out of it."

"That means-" Olivia started.

"Not watching in on interrogations," Emily _quickly_ interrupted, "Also, no vigilante bullshit, no investigating on my own, blah, blah."

Olivia chuckled. She wondered how fun it would have been to grow up with Emily. They could have been there for each other through their mother's alcohol induced rage attacks on Olivia. That's when she thanked God at least one of them got out of that mess.

"Oh," Emily spoke up, "Do you know where my phone is? My boss is probably texting me non-stop."

Olivia looked around and spotted it in a bag of Emily's things. She walked to the chair is sat on and rummaged through the clear plastic bag until her hand found the cold metal of her phone.

"Here you go," Olivia said, placing the rectangular device in her sister's hand.

Emily read through her texts. Each one from her boss becoming more and more agitated. Did he not have anyone else to work cases there? She knew she was the best detective, but she knew some pretty damn good ones in her unit. Every text, though not blatantly said, suggested that her job was on the line if she didn't come back to work before her vacation was over. The last text only sealed her intent to quit.

Emily scoffed, "This guy is a real piece of work." She didn't even realize she'd said it out loud.

"Who?" Olivia asked, her head looking up from her own phone.

"My boss," She said shaking her head as she typed the words 'I quit' in the text window, "My mom _just_ passed away, I didn't even go to the funeral because she didn't believe in them, and I'm here trying to figure out my life and he's just… badgering me to come solve all these cases. There are other detectives!" She knew she wasn't just angry at her boss. She didn't even realize her voice had gradually raised as she spoke. She sent the text and then sat her phone down firmly on the table above her legs.

Olivia had done research on Emily's unit and found that any case that was publicized was solved by her sister. She was their shining star, but they were overworking her and dimming her light with stress.

Emily started to cry, "I just quit my job." She had no clue what she was doing. Everything just felt so out of control. She couldn't even think let alone be a case solving cash cow for her boss right now. Her father had died years ago in a freak car accident, her mother was gone, she didn't have any siblings, and she hadn't really gotten close with her adoptive family. Her mother was all she had left and even though she had her sister now, she still felt so alone.

"Oh Emily," Olivia started.

"Please don't say you're sorry," Emily said, the slightest tinge of anger in her voice, "I'm so tired of people feeling sorry for me."

"I-" Olivia started then stopped herself, "Can I at least offer you my spare room until you can figure something out?"

Emily stopped to think, it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world. She'd be able to get to know her nephew and would live in the same apartment as the woman working her case. It actually made a lot of sense.

"Ok," Emily said, "But one condition."

"Yes," Olivia said, smiling, "We can grab ice cream on the way home."

Emily chuckled. Maybe there was something to that twin connection thing after all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to everyone who has read and/or reviewed this fic. I welcome any constructive criticism as that is the only way to perfect one's writing and storyline to its full potential. Also thank you to those who have faved/followed. You guys rock. This fic was inspired by my friend Mary Elizabeth who is basically my twin and loves SVU as much as I do.**

It had been a little over two weeks since she'd gotten out of the hospital. Olivia couldn't take off work so her detective Carisi was kind enough to fly to Seattle with Emily and help her pack up her life and offered to help haul it back with her. They had just packed the last box into the Uhaul when a man pulled up. Her ex, Jason.

Emily groaned as the unmarked police car came to a stop and Carisi gave Emily a look that told her he knew what to do.

"Hey, Em!" Jason said excitedly. Emily wanted to punch him in the face with his fake enthusiasm, "Are you leaving?"

"Yes, I am," Emily said, then turned to Carisi, "This is Dominic, he's-"

"Her new boyfriend," Carisi said turning and winking his eye that Jason had no view of, "And you are?"

"I'm her ex…partner." Jason stumbled through his words. He was thrown off guard hearing Emily had a boyfriend so soon after leaving.

"Yes," Emily said, grabbing Carisi's arm with her casted hand.

"Oh," Jason said, his eyes shifting to her hand and face, "Did he do this?" Jason made an aggressive shift towards Carisi and Emily put herself in the middle.

"No, he didn't Jason. Ok? Can you back off?" Emily said her hands in the air standing her ground, "I was dehydrated and had a panic attack and passed out. He couldn't catch me before I hit the ground." The statement was technically true because he hadn't been close enough to catch her.

"Ok," Jason said, his hands in the air as he backed away, "I'll leave you alone." He climbed back into his car and drove off.

Emily sighed, sitting on the back of the truck. Carisi came around and took a seat next to her.

"Thanks," Emily said, looking down at her hands, "You didn't have to do that." Emily looked up, trying to smile.

"It's really no problem," Carisi said, smiling back, "I have three sisters so I know an ex when I see one."

Emily chuckled. She was still trying to figure him out. He was cute but she'd seen the looks he gave the blonde detective named Amanda, so she didn't want to get in the middle.

Emily hopped down, Carisi following her lead, and she got in the passenger side. Carisi walked around and hopped in the driver seat, bringing the truck to life and pulling out. Emily looked in the side rear view mirror, watching her childhood home get further and further away. All of her and her parents belongings shuffled in the back of the truck despite being secured. She knew she would feel sad about leaving, but the moment the house she had put up for sale, the one she scraped her knees, fallen from trees, gone to prom, graduated college, returned from the police academy, and taken care of her mother in disappeared from her view, all of those memories flooded her thoughts until they exited as tears.

Carisi saw that she was upset, but he knew that sometimes you kept your mouth shut and let someone cry.

It was going to take nearly 2 days of just driving time to get to New York so they took turns driving, making Emily's driving time shorter because of her wrist. Carisi wouldn't have minded driving solely, but Emily wasn't having any of that.

He hadn't really taken the time to really look at Emily. She and Liv were technically identical but so many things were different. There was this vulnerability that Emily showed whether she liked to or not. Olivia had mastered the stern non-vulnerable look long before Carisi joined the squad. There was also something else he couldn't quite put his finger on. Before she could catch him for looking too long he looked away. But she'd noticed anyway.

After driving for 30 hours they decided to find a hotel. The closest one they could find had only one room with one bed. Carisi knew she'd been through a lot so he made a makeshift bed on the floor next to the bed. Emily protested but Carisi wouldn't take no for an answer.

Emily sat in the middle of the bed with her knees drawn to her chin, her arms wrapped tight around her legs. Carisi had been fast asleep for hours but she just couldn't turn her thoughts off. She could hear his soft breaths from the floor as she thought about the man that assaulted her. She just couldn't let go that he had started attacking women the day before she had arrived to New York. Did he know about her mom? Did he know where she was born and originally from?

Just the thought of the possibility that he was stalking her and somehow knew those things made her heart race. Hot tears rolled down her face involuntary. She tried to catch her breath but just got more choppy. Just as she felt like she would fly apart, two strong arms wrapped themselves around her. She almost forgot Carisi had been there. She didn't even notice him waking up or even coming over to the bed but she was so glad he did.

"Shhhh," he said, as if he was soothing a baby, "You're ok. You're safe."

For such a skinny guy, he had a warm and comforting hug. Emily concentrated on his breath with her ear to his chest and began mimicking it. In a few minutes she felt better and she didn't know what to say as she sheepishly laid down on the bed. Carisi wasn't sure what to do, but he knew he couldn't just go back to the floor and leave her there alone to get lost in her thoughts again. So without saying anything he laid down behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Emily gently put her hands on his arms and they both fell asleep. This was going to make the rest of the ride home a tiny bit awkward.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you again for reading. I'm appreciate the reviews, follows, and favorites, and most importantly those who read it. You guys are amazing.**

Emily had really enjoyed her road trip with Carisi. The awkwardness she expected to be there wasn't and instead she had fun hearing about his sisters, his nieces, and his large Italian family. Who could forget that he's catholic too. It had been a tiny bit awkward how he went on and on about little Jessi and Amanda but they were important to him and she could tell.

She knew that what happened in that hotel room was nothing more than him being a good person and comforting a person who had been through so much. Still, Emily couldn't help but notice just how comforting his arms had been around her and how easily she'd been able to fall asleep with him beside her.

Just as they pulled up to Olivia's apartment building she got a feeling of dread. A man that looked a lot like her rapist was hanging by the street sign down the block. At first she didn't notice him, but he put a cigarette out and flipped a hood up right as she made eye contact with him.

Carisi was about to get out of the car when he caught a glimpse of Emily sitting rigid in her seat, her eyes locked on the man walking away.

"Emily?" Carisi said, looking from her to the man who had picked up his pace.

"It's- That's him…" was all she could say before Carisi was halfway down the block chasing him. Ten minutes later he returned out of breath.

"I lost him." He said, coughing with the chilly morning air shocking his airways.

"It's ok." She said shakily, tears forming in her brown eyes.

"No it's not," Carisi said, "I should have caught the bastard. Let me get you up to Liv's apartment and I'll call everyone in for a manhunt."

Emily didn't even object. She climbed out of the truck and walked to the building and they took the elevator to Olivia's floor. Emily had texted her as they were pulling onto their street so Olivia was already standing in the doorway with a smile on her face.

Somber faces and tears in Emily's eyes caused her smile to fade into concern.

"What happened?" Olivia asked as Emily started to break down. She wrapped Emily in her arms as she looked at Carisi.

"He was here." Carisi said angrily, "I-I ran after him , but he made so many turns and slipped right through my fingers. I aneed to call Fin and Amanda."

Emily began shaking and Olivia wished so much that she could end her sisters nightmare soon. She knew the pain and anxiety wouldn't resolve just from putting that man in prison but she could at least give her justice so she could focus on healing.

Olivia walked Emily into her apartment and Carisi went to take the truck to the storage unit Fin had offered to Emily to use. He even hired men to unpack the truck for her once they got to New York. Emily could see why Olivia called him one of her best friends.

Emily sat on the couch, her body felt so heavy. Her stomach was churning just thinking that he was so close to her. Then a horrible possibility entered her head. What if he came back? A wave of nausea hit her and she ran to the kitchen and emptied her lunch into the sink. Luckily Noah wasn't home from his play date yet. Olivia instinctively grabbed a towel and got it wet and handed it to Emily as she gathered her sister's hair into a ponytail and slid the band she had kept on her wrist around Emily's brunette locks.

It felt natural for Olivia to put it up because it felt just like her own hair. She rubbed Emily's back as she walked her again to the couch. After she made sure she was ok, she grabbed the new small garbage can she had bought her and put a bag in it for her to use, just in case.

She walked back to the kitchen and got her a glass of water whether she liked it or not. She was not going to have her passing out on her watch again. Just as Olivia sat the glass on the coffee table, a knock fell on her door. Emily's face went completely pale as she threw up once again into the small garbage can Olivia had given her. Olivia grabbed her handgun and made her way to the door, much like she had the morning Emily had arrived to her apartment. Olivia sighed with relief when she saw an antsy Amanda on the other side through the peephole.

"It's not him," Olivia said to Emily for reassurance as she opened the door to let Amanda in. Emily sighed with relief.

Amanda rushed in as soon as the door was open enough.

"Is she o-Are you ok?" Amanda said her hand stretched out towards Emily. Emily gave a weak nod of her head as she sat the garbage can down.

"What now?" Emily asked them both, her voice scratchy and raw from vomiting.

"I'm going to call Lucy and make sure that she and Noah are safe and stay away for now," Olivia said, bringing her phone to her ear and walking in the other room.

Amanda hadn't really talked to Emily much and she knew she and Olivia were identical, but she wasn't prepared for just how identical. Her hair, her eyes, hell even the clothes she wore were identical to Liv's.

"You doin' ok?" Amanda asked, knowing damn well she wasn't.

"As well as I can be, I guess," Emily said, still pale as a ghost, numb. Amanda had remembered seeing Patton for the first time after he'd assaulted her and she still got nauseous thinking about him. Amanda sat next to Emily, knowing better than to touch her, and just sat with her as silent tears fell from her red, swollen eyes


	9. Chapter 9

Amanda had taken Noah with her to her house, just in case, and Carisi slept on Olivia's couch to stand guard. Fin sat in a car watching the building. He was still processing that the woman he had worked with and known all these years had an identical twin sister. They were exactly the same, but he could tell just the slightest difference that Emily had grown up with loving, devoted parents and Olivia had her alcoholic mother. Despite this small difference, they had both chosen the same career and acted almost exactly the same which didn't help him tell them apart at all. The sun was finally starting to rise as a yawn escaped his mouth.

A man in a hooded sweatshirt started walking down the street and toward Olivia's building. A quick look at the sketch in the passenger seat made him suspect that was the perp. Fin quietly exited his car, walking slow enough that the man didn't notice him tailing. The man entered Liv's building and he knew it was him now. Fin slowly sped up as to not alert him and pulled his phone out and texted Carisi.

Carisi woke up with a start as his phone that had been propped on his chest dinged loudly and vibrated with the text from Fin. A quick look at his screen had him jump up and draw his handgun as he moved to the door and waited in position. Fin followed the man until the elevator and took the other one a few minutes later just in case. The second he stepped off the elevator he was tackled to the ground, a knife pulled to his neck.

"I knew someone was following me." The man said, stepping on Fin's back and pulling his head back to expose his neck further.

"Freeze!" Fin heard Carisi say, the blade starting to dig into his neck.

"Ok man," Fin said, the movement of his talking cutting the knife in just a little more, "N-no one has to get hurt here."

The man hesitated for just a second and shot rang out in the hallway, crumbling the man to the floor as the superficial bullet hole in his arm spread blood like a blooming flower.

Emily's eyes sprung open at the silence splitting bang. She wasn't quite sure if she was dreaming until Olivia burst into the room breathing heavy.

"We caught him." Olivia said, sitting down on the bed out of breath, "We need to go, you're going to Amanda's."

Emily stood, but quickly sat back down, the room spinning. Olivia quickly sat next to her and kept her upright.

"Are you ok?" Olivia asked, the question firm in her eyes.

"Yeah," Emily said, standing up again slowly and clearing her throat, "I must have stood up too fast or something."

Emily quickly got dress in some of Olivia's clothes because hers were still in the back of the truck. It was no surprise that it fit her perfectly.

She walked out into the living room to Amanda, Lucy, and Noah already there with Olivia. It was a Sunday so Amanda was taking Emily to her place as a safety precaution in case he didn't act alone. Olivia had already packed her a bag of clothes complete with toiletries she had already bought her for the guest bathroom and handed her the bag along with her cell and charger.

"Ok," Amanda said, a polite smile on her face, "You ready to go?"

"Y-yup," Emily said, grabbing the strap of the duffle bag and walked towards the door.

"Wait, one sec," Olivia said as she half jogged towards Emily and wrapped her arms around her, "I know we just met a few weeks ago, but you're my sister and I just wanted to say I love you."

Emily held back tears as she hugged Olivia back, "I love you, too."

Emily and Amanda walked out the door, neither speaking a word. Emily checked her phone which had buzzed incessantly while she was hugging Olivia. She had 3 missed calls from the hospital which was odd, she had been discharged over a week. She disregarded the calls and decided to wait to check the messages until they got to Amanda's house. The drive there wasn't awkward, but it was silent save for the faint sound of low playing country music on the radio. The walk up to her apartment was even more quiet as rode the elevator to her floor. Once to her apartment and inside it felt just a little less awkward. Her apartment was a little more homey than Olivia's, possibly because it was smaller, but it reminded her of her own home in Seattle. Emily gingerly walked through the apartment to the couch and sat down slowly.

"Uh, do you need anything?" Amanda said, not sure what to offer, "Would you like a drink? Coffee maybe? Are you hungry?"

Emily wasn't sure which question to answer first, "Yes, definitely yes, and idk I've felt super nauseous today. Must just be everything going on."

She shuffled through her jacket pockets until she found her phone and dialed her voicemail and listened to the message from the hospital. They had information they needed to share that was too sensitive to be left on a voicemail. That was odd. Her mind quickly jumped to her mother having breast cancer, but now that she knew she wasn't blood related that may not be a possibility. Amanda brought the freshly made cup of coffee and a toasted bagel and sat it on the side table next to Emily.

"What's going on?" Amanda asked, worried it was something to do with the case.

"Oh," Emily said, bringing the phone down and hitting the call back button to the hospital, "I don't know exactly, the hospital just had some kind of information they couldn't say over voicemail." Emily shrugged her shoulders and waited until the receptionist on the other end picked up.

"Bellevue hospital, Diane speaking, how may I help you?" The woman said on the other end.

"Yeah, uh, I got a few calls about some sort of information I was supposed to receive that couldn't be left in my voicemail?" Emily said, picking the skin on her thumb with her other hand.

"Oh, yes," Diane said, Emily could hear papers shuffling around, "Emily Drake?"

"Yes?" Emily said, then answered more questions before being transferred to the doctor.

Emily sat listening to the information the doctor was telling her, but all she could hear was her heart beating out of her chest. This was something she was never, ever expecting and she was terrified.


	10. Chapter 10

Emily had ended the call several house ago and she still couldn't believe what she'd been told on the other end. She sat turning her phone in her hand absentmindedly as she feigned interest in the show Amanda had turned on after dinner. Olivia had been by to visit and she almost told her, but then stopped because she still didn't know how to process it or even what to think just yet. Emily didn't realize for a full minute that Amanda had paused the tv and was looking at her. She turned to see Amanda leaning against the armrest, arms crossed, and it looked like she was waiting for a response.

"What?" Emily asked, adjusting uncomfortably in her seat as her anxiety began to build.

"I said, out with it," Amanda said, cocking an eyebrow, "You've been detached ever since you called the hospital and talked to that doctor, so tell me, what's wrong?"

Emily began to shake at the thought of someone else knowing right now. She took a deep breath and tears escaped from her eyes before she could hold them back.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," Amanda said softening and grabbing one of Emily's hands, "Sometimes I forget you're not Olivia and I just fall into protective friend mode. I didn't mean to upset you, honey."

Emily looked up at Amanda's worried blue eyes, she'd never realized how soft and blue they were.

"No," Emily sniffed, wiping tears away, "It wasn't you."

Emily looked down, preparing herself to tell the first person about her news. She'd expected it to be her sister, but right now she just couldn't keep it in any longer or she would fall apart.

"Um," Emily started, hesitating, "I'm pregnant."

The tears fell so easily as the sobs sent waves through her body. She let go of Amanda's hand and brought her legs to her chest, and buried her head into her knees.

"Oh honey," Amanda said, not knowing what else to say. Obviously Emily's rape was too long ago for it to be her rapist's baby, but she didn't want to upset her more by asking if she knew who the father was. Amanda moved closer to Emily and pulled her into a hug, Emily's head rested on her chest and her tears saturated Amanda's shirt.

Emily sat up a few minutes later, embarrassed that she'd soaked the blonde detectives shirt.

"I'm sorry," Emily said, grabbing a tissue and blowing her nose.

"Don't worry about it, darlin'," Amanda said, casually pushing hair behind her ears, "I'll just go change my shirt, no harm done."

Amanda got up and went into the other room to change, but looked back at Emily as she walked. She'd never seen Liv like this and that's when she knew what was different about the twins. Emily and Liv had both been vulnerable, attacked, and broken, but Emily showed her emotions more freely than Liv did. Maybe it was from Olivia's childhood of pretending everything was ok or her many years in Sex Crimes. She'd probably never know for sure what made the difference, but she knew she felt something for Emily that she'd never feel for Olivia and how she expressed her feelings freely was probably why.

Emily sat trying to mentally flip through all the men she had been with the past month. She'd been going through a rough period and she coped by being promiscuous. That's how her relationship with her ex had ended. He said he'd understood, but he eventually called her a cheating whore and ended it. At that point she really didn't care, not about herself or him.

She counted in her head three possible men it could be, one being her ex. She wasn't sure how he'd react. He told her a long time ago that he never wanted kids and she'd said she was ok with that, but the truth was she ached to be a mother more than anything. She didn't even know what he'd say. Would he insist she get an abortion? This may be her only chance at becoming a mother. Lost in her thoughts she didn't even notice Amanda had returned and was now sitting next to her, rubbing her back. She didn't even realize she was also still crying.

"Is there anything I can do?" Amanda asked, she felt so helpless with this woman in so much pain on her couch.

"Um," Emily said, her nose completely congested from crying, "Can you call my sister?"

"Sure, hun," Amanda said, standing up and dialing Liv.

Amanda stood up as the phone rang. Olivia picked up almost immediately.

"Amanda, hey what's up?" Emily could hear Olivia on the other end of the line.

"Hey, Liv, could you come back by my place for a few minutes," Amanda said, "I think Emily needs you here."

Amanda didn't even know what else to say.

Olivia had just been to Amanda's house an hour ago. She felt like something was up with Emily, but she wasn't sure what.

"Uh, ok," Olivia said, taking off her black reading glasses and standing up from her desk, "Let me make sure Fin and Carisi are good here and I'll be right over."

"Ok, sounds good," Amanda said, and hung the phone up as she turned to Emily, "She'll be here in a few minutes, she just has to make sure everything is in order at work."

"Ok." Emily said, her voice came out sounding more weak than she'd intended and she hated anyone seeing her like this.

Before she'd moved here she had held everything in, showed a brave face. Not once before she'd shown up on her sister's doorstep did she cry, not even after her rape. It's like she had been numb to everything for so long that once she finally came to grips with her mother's death and seeing that her rapist was hurting other women, she couldn't push it all down anymore.

After 45 min and hitting some traffic, Olivia finally arrived at her younger detectives apartment. She knocked softly, fidgeting with her hands as she waited for the door to open.

Amanda gave a sympathetic smile when Olivia entered. Emily was on the couch, her eyes blood red from crying. Olivia looked from Emily back to Amanda.

"What happened?" Olivia said quietly, mostly asking Amanda.

"She got some information from the doctor that saw her at the hospital." Was all Amanda said and looked from Olivia to Emily sheepishly sitting on the couch hugging a pillow to her chest. Olivia walked slowly to the couch and sat down, putting her hands between her knees.

"What's going on?" Olivia said softly.

Tears sprang back to Emily's eyes. This wasn't her sister's problem, it was hers, but now Olivia was all the family she had left.

"I don't know h-how or who," Emily stumbled through her words, trying to figure out how to tell Olivia while also trying to process.

"Emily, what-Are you ok?" Olivia was so confused and didn't know what to say or ask.

"I'm pregnant." Emily said, but no more tears came. She had cried so much she couldn't even cry anymore.

"Ok," Olivia said, grabbing her sister's hand, "We can figure this out. Why don't you go rest, you've had a rough few days."

Emily didn't want to sleep, but at the mention of it her body suddenly felt so heavy. She complied and walked to the room Amanda had let her sleep in that had been her sister's room. She had heard the expression that someone would sleep the second their head hit the pillow, but this would be the very first time it happen to her.


	11. Chapter 11

Emily woke up the next day, she wasn't even sure what time it was or how long she had been asleep. She had never slept so hard that she didn't dream at all and felt like she'd just fallen asleep. The smell of coffee and bacon lured her out of the warm comforter, her warm feet touching cold wood floor. She dug in the bag Olivia had packed for her to find a pair of socks and put them on. She felt strange as she walked through Amanda's house. She wasn't sure if it was because she now had this sudden awareness that she was pregnant or that it was her first night sleeping at Amanda's house and waking up in a strange place. Emily could hear Amanda talking to Jesse about what they were going to do that day when Emily heard her name.

"Maybe Emily will want to come with us." Amanda said, placing bite sized pancakes on Jesse's high chair tray.

"Maybe," Emily said startling Amanda. Her startled face turned into a smile.

"How are you feeling?" Amanda asked, "Do you want any coffee, you're allowed to have a certain amount of caffeine a day so don't let anyone make you feel bad for needing a pick me up."

Emily paused at the pregnancy talk. She hadn't even thought about what she could eat or drink and what she couldn't do while pregnant. To be honest, it still didn't even seem real.

"Sure," Emily said, sitting gently down at the table, bringing a leg up, and wrapping her arms around her knee, "I should probably make an appointment, huh?"

"You can go to the dr I had when I had Jesse if you want," Amanda said, then felt awkward, "I mean, if you want to."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Emily said noticing Amanda's awkwardness, "I don't know any doctors here anyway."

"Ok," Amanda said with a big smile, "I can call her now if you want."

"Sounds good to me," Emily said as Amanda sat a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of her. Emily stood up and ran to the bathroom as she emptied all the stomach acid she had in her stomach. Amanda rushed after, quickly grabbing the hair that tumbled down. With one hand she held her hair and with the other rubbed her back. She knew all too well how horrible morning sickness was and just how much of a lie the name of it was. She tied up Emily's hair and went to the kitchen and came back with a small glass of milk.

"It soothes your throat after throwing up." Amanda said, cocking an eyebrow, "trust me."

Emily sipped it slowly and Amanda was right, her throat felt much better and her nausea was going away too. Emily got up slowly and put the toilet seat down to sit.

"It'd be nice if I could stop throwing up," Emily said, sipping more.

"It should fade in a couple weeks," Amanda said, rubbing Emily's back again, "When I was pregnant with Jesse, before I knew, I threw up at a crime scene."

They both started laughing in sync. Why did Emily just love the sound of Amanda's laugh?

"I think I'll try to eat something," Emily said standup up, Amanda giving her a quick boost.

"I'll go call the doctor and set you up an appointment," Amanda said, smiling.

Emily slowly nibbled the pancakes Amanda hand mad for her. She didn't want to eat to fast and end up throwing up again. Amanda was on the phone with the doctor, Emily had given her all her info to set it up. A few minutes later Amanda hung up and came to the table.

"You're all set! You have an appointment tomorrow morning," Amanda said before stuffing a bite of pancake in her mouth. A thin line of syrup was dripping down her chin. Emily would have said something if Amanda could have caught it in time but instead she reached across and used her napkin to wipe it.

"Oh," Amanda said surprised, "Thanks, Hun."

She smiled and took the napkin, she didn't know why that didn't feel awkward at all.

"Is there anymore?" She said lifting her chin and turning her face from side to side.

"I think you're good," Emily said, slightly blushing. Amanda noticed.

Emily finished one pancake and decided she would try to eat some bacon. It smelled so good and the nausea was gone. She took a bite and she couldn't believe how good it was. She didn't notice she was being watched until she finished the whole piece. Amanda was silently laughing as she sat feeding Jesse.

"What?" Emily asked, grabbing napkin, "Do I have something on my face now?"

Amanda laughed louder, "No, I just remember when I was pregnant and everything tasted so good."

"Oh," Emily blushed, she didn't realize she'd so visually enjoyed her bacon. She stifled a giggle as she sheepishly looked to Amanda.

"Oh, um, Olivia said she will be going with you to your appointment," Amanda started, taking a sip of orange juice, "And if she can't for some reason, I can if you feel comfortable with that."

"Oh, uh, ok." Emily stumbled through her words. She didn't feel uncomfortable at all with the idea of Amanda going with her. Maybe it was because she had been pregnant before so she'd probably know what to ask, but then she wanted Olivia to go because she was her sister. She decided she would just let what will happen, happen. She had a feeling she was going to have a lot of appointments anyway.


	12. Chapter 12

Olivia was able to make it to Emily's first appointment and they'd already filled all the information out and were waiting in the waiting room. Olivia was still shocked she had a sister, especially one that looked just like her, but here she was sitting next to her. Emily sat staring at a tv that was mounted on the wall, random pregnancy fact and tips were rotating through a slide show. Her hand was rested absentmindedly on her abdomen as she leaned back in the chair.

Olivia watched her. Not long ago she had almost been in her shoes, though Brian Cassidy would have been the father. She's still not sure how that would have played out and she was kind of grateful now that it hadn't happened. It would be strange to see her sisters body change with pregnancy given they are identical, but Olivia was excited to see what she would have looked like.

The door to the exam room hallway opened and a nurse appeared, clipboard in hand. She adjusted her glasses and read the name on the patient list.

"Emily Drake?" The nurse said, looking across the waiting room in search or her.

Emily stood up and started to walk away but stopped short and looked at Olivia. Without a word between them, Olivia stood up knowing exactly what Emily wanted her to do. Just as they entered the long hallway full of exam rooms, Olivia had what she could only describe as an "omg" moment. She had just had a twin connection moment with her sister. That hadn't ever happened before and it felt so natural. She'd had a few times with Elliot where he'd known what to do or knew what her next move was, but it didn't feel anything close to what just now felt like.

Emily used the bathroom to pee into a cup and Olivia waited in the exam room, sitting in the "guest" chair next to the exam table. A folded hospital gown was sitting on the gray table and exam table paper. A few minutes later and she returned with the nurse as she instructed Emily to change into the gown and the dr would be in shortly. Emily shot a shy glance at Olivia and Olivia looked away as Emily changed. Just as Emily got comfortable on the table, the doctor came in, wheeling a machine with a screen on it. A few more uncomfortable moments with Olivia looking away and then she heard it. Her niece or nephews heart beat. Her head shot to see the doctor's arm under the tarp across her sister's lap and then to the screen he was pointing at.

Emily laid there in shock. This tiny, hedgehog looking thing was inside of her. A real baby with a real heartbeat. She instinctively grabbed her sister's hand as a tear rolled down her cheek. She was excited and terrified at the same time.

"It-it's healthy?" Emily asked, her voice cracking.

"I'd say about 9 weeks, heartbeat at 156." The dr said, printing a few pictures and then removing the odd probe, "congratulations." He smiled, handed the photos to Emily, instructed her to get dressed, and walked out.

Emily didn't even realize she was still holding Olivia's hand as she let go to take the photos. The black and white sonogram in her hand shook as she shivered. This was real. There was a little person growing inside of her. She got up, Olivia again looking away as she got dressed. The ride home was strange. She had this sudden awareness that she was growing a human inside her body.

Olivia dropped Emily off at Amanda's apartment. She only had another week until she could go back to Olivia's, but she kind of liked hanging out with Amanda when she was home. Olivia walked her up and hugged her so tight before she left. She probably knew she was internally freaking out the whole drive to the apartment and the walk up.

Emily used her key that Amanda had given her and went inside. It was strange being in Amanda's apartment without her there. She knew she would probably be working late and Jesse would be at her babysitters. Emily slowly made her way to her room and laid down, sitting the congratulations bag next to the bed that they'd given her with samples, coupons, and information. She laid looking at the sonogram, one hand on her abdomen and she rubbed side to side.

What was she going to do? She didn't even know who the father was.

Emily fell asleep as she kissed the phot in her hand. No matter what happened and no matter who the father was, she would love this baby more than anything she'd ever loved in her life.

Emily's eyes shot open at the sound of a key turning in the door. She was so hyper aware of noises since the shooting at Olivia's apartment. She probably had slight PTSD, but she wasn't ready to admit she probably needed therapy. She could hear Amanda's voice and Jesse giggling as they entered the apartment. It was dark out, but not fully so she shot a glance at the clock by her bed that read 7:45 pm. She was surprised that Amanda was home this early during a case. She slowly got up, learning her lesson the many times she'd shot up too fast and gotten dizzy, and then made her way sleepily to the main part of the apartment after fixing her slept on hair. Amanda was in the kitchen putting groceries away as Jesse walked towards Emily.

"Auntie Emily!" Jesse said, getting her name right for the first time. Emily was impressed, but then realized Amanda probably reminded her.

"Hi!" Emily said groggily as she kneeled to give her a hug, "Did you have a good day?"

She had never interacted with Jesse like this, but it felt so natural. Jesse told her in her toddler broken English what she did that day and Emily soaked it all up. In just a few years this would be her baby. Standing next to her, telling her about his/her day. Jesse giggled and ran away when she was done, digging into her toys as Emily stood up and went to sit on the couch. Amanda walked over, a big grin on her face as she handed Emily a coconut water.

"I got you some healthy stuff." Amanda said, "I did get you some other things too, I didn't know what you'd be craving."

Emily opened the coconut water and sipped, leaning back as she swallowed the liquid. Just as she leaned her head back and hand landed softly on her abdomen. She looked down to see Amanda smiling.

"How are you feeling?" Amanda said, removing her hand once she realized who she was touching, "Sorry, I keep forgetting you barely know me."

Emily smiled and placed her hand where Amanda's had been and smiled. Somehow the anxious and terrified feeling she had when she got home vanished as a happy tear rolled down her cheek.

 **Just want to say it is one thing to leave constructive criticism but if you tell me because of how I write the storyline you will not read? Don't waste your breath because I don't care. Also, I will not be shoved in a box being told my entire page is a Rolivia, Rolisi, etc page because of one story. I have many other stories in mind that are not and I'll write what I want. So kick rocks nd have a nice day.**


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